Did you grow up hearing:
If you don’t shut up I’ll give you something to cry about
Don’t ruin the day – just be Happy
Big Boys don’t cry or Don’t be such a girl
Why are you being like that? Just be Nice!
Why focus on the negative? Just be positive
None of this dismissive, bypassing and shaming of feelings ever made us feel better or integrate what we’re feeling!
In fact it leads to behaviours that are not healthy:
Eating/drinking/shopping/working to numbing our feelings
Passive aggressively making others feel what we’re avoiding
Taking our feelings out on others
Controlling ourselves or others as a way to avoid feelings
Isolating ourselves in shame because we don’t feel safe to share
Leaving our body to process feelings resulting in pain and disease
So what can we do differently?
Becoming attuned so you catch feelings when they’re small and easier to manage
How to breathe to calm you
What self empathy sounds like so you can soothe yourself
Using feelings as messages so you meet yourself with care
Understanding the skills you need to grow
The steps to communicating so you’re met, and everyone is honoured
When we don’t process feelings we end up thinking we are bad, unlovable, and unworthy.
What happens when we learn to deal with feelings:
Grow inner strength and capacity
Gain resilience knowing whatever happens we can work through it
Deepen capacity to hold space for ourselves and others
Get triggered in relationships less, as we’re able to share our needs
Know how to say no, so we aren’t over giving and forgetting ourselves
Feel at home with ourselves, and know we can handle what arises
Deepen Self Love – where we’re nourishing and kind to ourselves.
If you want to stop:
treating yourself like you’re crazy for what you feel
and getting pain, immune dysfunction, cancer
and taking it out on others